


Contradictory Confusion

by emmastrenchcoat



Category: Stephen Tries, Video Blogging RPF, WillNE, XO - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Based on a True Story, Bottom Stephen, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Eventually though, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Only the prompt though, Student!Stephen, Top Will, University, student!Will
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-21 21:12:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15566430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmastrenchcoat/pseuds/emmastrenchcoat
Summary: You see, Stephen liked to have sex. It was the most blunt, but also the most direct and accurate way to put it. Every now and again Will would be introduced to someone new: it was (almost) never the same person twice. Stephen's company was also never female, for he was gay. And it had never bothered Will until now.-Inspired by this lovely story: https://bit.ly/2OeQJlpAlso thank you so much to teamolatunji on Instagram for the amazing suggestion and support!!!!





	1. He wasn't homophobic. Really.

It was a regular, middle-of-term Tuesday evening. Will Lenney dragged his feet across the Loughborough University campus; he'd just finished his last class- Calculus, out of all of them- and was on his way from the main building to the dorms. Although it was only just past 7pm, he was incredibly tired. This was his longest day, so he hoped that his roommate- a strawberry blonde by the name of Stephen- wouldn't have someone over. He really wasn't in the mood for social interaction. 

You see, Stephen liked to have sex. It was the most blunt, but also the most direct and accurate way to put it. Every now and again Will would be introduced to someone new: it was (almost) never the same person twice. Stephen's company was also never female, for he was gay. And it had never bothered Will until now. 

You see, Will liked to think that he had an open mind. It was easy for him too, because he was raised well. Both of his parents had always taught him to accept everyone for who they really are. Thus, Will had never had a problem with anyone else's sexuality; as long as the girls he himself was dating were attracted to him, everything else didn't matter. Over the course of his 19 years of life Will had had numerous gay friends, and naturally they were friendships like any other. Even Stephen was introduced to him like almost every other friend would be at his age: through school. Both of them were studying at the same uni, and even though Stephen was on his way to completing a degree in performing arts, they'd somehow ended up rooming together in one of the smaller rooms, thanks to a mutual friend who introduced them. 

The ginger was out to pretty much everyone, so to Will, his sexuality was never a topic of conversation or an issue of any kind. Whenever Stephen had company, they were courteous, making no noise and causing no disturbances. As said, Stephen was never in a serious relationship and usually only saw each man once. This left Will at the liberty to playfully flirt with Stephen every now and again, who would giggle and flirt back, though obviously they knew it was only platonic. Being the polite and intelligent man that he was, Stephen also knew that it was nothing more than a little fun. 

So, Will didn't know what it was about this particular Tuesday night and why it aggravated him so much to just expect someone else to be in their dorm. After all, for a while he was in a FWB situation with a girl he knew from sixth form, though when his second year of university rolled around he no longer felt he had time to keep up with her (and perhaps even his own) needs, so they broke it off. Ever since, he hadn't been dating, or even fancying, well... anyone. 

He shook his head. 

It was probably just stress. Will tried to shake the feeling, and instead brought his attention back to reality. Eyes skimming past each dorm number, he fumbled with his keys. 

158..159..160..161. 

"There we go", he mumbled, turning the lock quietly, entering the living room. Just as he made his way to his room, the doorknob on Stephen's door turned, and out he stepped with a taller, dark-haired boy. Will didn't recognise him. 

"Hey", Stephen said, unfazed, briefly meeting Will's eyes with his own, emerald ones. The top two buttons of his Hawaiian-style shirt were undone, though he didn't seem to mind. Will skimmed the rest of his outfit. He'd probably finished his classes early, as he seemed entirely at ease, which was completely contrary to how Will himself felt at that moment. 

"Evening", the other man greeted him politely, his voice felicitously low and calm. Will didn't say anything. He stormed off into his room, slamming his door behind him. He could practically hear Stephen frown, and then he actually heard him quietly apologise to his company on Will's behalf. Admittedly, Will felt slightly guilty, as nobody had done anything to warrant such aggression from his side. With his fingers pressing harshly into his temples, he sank down onto his bed. Not caring to change his clothes or frame of mind, he dozed off quickly. 

The next morning he felt more refreshed, and after a brisk shower, it was like he'd been reborn. Standing by the sink with a bowl of Coco Pops, he greeted Stephen, who'd just emerged from his own room and was sporting quite a bedhead, with a hearty "good morning". Silently he prayed that the latter wouldn't mention last night and his temper going awry. 

He didn't. 

Perhaps he was just too tired to; either way, it suited Will quite well. By the time Will had grabbed his bag and an apple as a snack, Stephen had just woken up enough to make a great big cup of coffee. 

"Y'alright?", Will asked. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, just studied late last night." 

Will gave a quick and heartless "mhm" before closing the door behind him. This time it didn't slam quite as hard. 

For once he was grateful that his classes were so rigorous and engrossing, for he thus didn't have to think about his sudden anger with Stephen. However, even his mates couldn't quite keep his mind off the matter during lunchtime.

To his usual demise but now circumstantial luck, it was over soon. 

The day seemed to flow by much more smoothly, and Will found himself enjoying his lectures much more than what was typical. 

"Typical", is all the whispered to himself as he was once again on his way home. 

Where in the world did his day go?

It was earlier than the night before, and he was nowhere near as tired, but he still feared to see Stephen with company other than himself. Once again the vile feeling broiled in his stomach and stirred his heart. At the same time, he felt awful about himself for feeling this way. 

He wasn't homophobic. Not at all. And he was sure that this was the case.

Perhaps he just needed a bit of alone time. After all, it's not easy constantly being surrounded by people and being forced to put on a persona for the public eye, because in reality, who doesn't? Nobody's communal character is the same as their private personality, and that was just a fact of life. Will understood that. 

Feeling slightly more at ease, he turned the keys in the lock. Walking into the living room he wished he could keep his eyes and ears shut like he did with his mouth. He didn't want to be angry at Stephen. The boy had been nothing short of a fantastic friend and given him a lot of joy for the time that he'd known him. 

It was a horrid thought for Will to think of suddenly breaking a friendship and thus his fragile heart. 

Everything was silent. Only when he walked past the door to Stephen's room he heard small mutters. He listened for a while, and suddenly there was a loud bang. Will's heart jumped and he involuntarily uttered a sound of surprise. 

Taking a few steps back from Stephen's door in time, he was face-to-face with said man. 

"Sorry", he announced in a monotone voice, then continued with slightly more sympathy, "I'm stuck with this text I'm trying to read. They have these terms they want us to memorise, and I can't get them into my head. It's just...not my day I guess." 

Will pulled up one corner of his mouth in empathy.

"I understand", he affirmed. Something in the back of his mind told him that this was the time to make up for his lack of humanity the night before. 

"Do you want me to help? I'm shite at memorising but I could test you like?", he asked carefully. Stephen's face lit up. 

"Yeah!", he exclaimed, still smiling as he motioned for Will to come inside his room. 

Whilst Stephen hurriedly scribbled the terms and definitions onto some notecards, Will sat down on the bed. Looking down at his fidgeting hands, he asked, "Stephen?" 

"Hm?"

"Do you have- er- anyone coming over today?" 

Stephen paused, his back still turned towards Will, but replied, "no". 

Will smiled. This afternoon was going better than planned. Immediately he regretted smiling; what an asshole thing to do. Feeling sorry for himself was something for later, though, so he turned his attention back to Stephen, who had now finished his makeshift study tools and was handing the paper to Will. 

The pair spent an hour or so studying together. Will laughed whenever Stephen scrunched up his face, trying to remember a term that was particularly difficult, calling him names whenever he got it wrong, but praising him genuinely when he got it right. By the time the sun went down, Stephen had mastered most of it fairly solidly, and Will did have to complete his own work as well. 

It was the only time that Will was ever happy to be sad. Not that he was incredibly down, but he did want to continue, because he'd had fun spending time with a friend, and he felt like things were straightening out between them. 

"Hey Will?", Stephen tore him out of his own train of thought. 

"Yeah?"

"Thank you". Stephen smiled. It was a lot calmer than some of the louder and bordering on hysteric laughter from a few minutes ago, but it carried a lot more weight. Will gave him a smile that he meant equally much, and returned to his own room. 

That night he fell asleep with a clear conscience, knowing that his slip up was forgiven and he had his stupid feelings under control.

Or did he?


	2. Chagrin.

The next days dragged along as they usually would at this time of the year. People were growing more and more tired, of both work and life as it seemed, and it was hard not to give into the omnipresent black cloud above everyone's heads. 

Most people somehow found a niche in their minds to fill with happiness, a hobby or a person- a relationship. This was exactly what Stephen had done. As his work was overbearing and threatened to sabotage his work ethic, the young man had decided to once more find human contact to confide him and ease his stressed body into happiness once more. 

So, around the same time about a week later, Stephen brought home Matthew, or Matt, or Mark, whatever his name was. Will tried not to react, but there it was again. 

His stomach flipped when he saw them together in the dorm, chyme turning into poison, disintegrating- burning- him slowly from the inside out. Eventually this foul hatred reached his heart and he was being stabbed by what he knew to be anger. It couldn't be anything else, but he couldn't recall ever feeling this way about anything else. 

But he didn't have a reason to be cross.

But he wasn't homophobic. 

Really. 

Will could no longer look at the two, who were peacefully sitting at the table with two mugs of tea, smiling like they didn't have a care in the world. It should make him happy to see Stephen at ease. After all, he cared about him, they were friends. 

Even that thought repulsed him, and Will felt sick to his stomach, the nausea completely fogging his sight and hearing, so he only heard a muffled "Will?" after what he presumed was a "won't you say hello?", but he ignored it anyway and locked himself into the comfort of his bedroom. As steadily as he could, he turned the lock in the door with now shaking hands. Turning around, he stared at the blank, white walls, wishing his life could be as simple as this coat of paint, that he could just cover the ugliness of his insides with a layer of innocence and purity. 

Nothing about this moment was pure. 

He sank down to the floor, his back pressed firmly against the door, as if moving away from it would cause all of this vexation to spill out into the dorm, drowning Stephen and himself, and everyone else in this godforsaken place. 

"Calm down Will", he muttered to himself. Realising how dry and husky his voice was, he tried to clear his throat but ended up coughing, then suddenly he exploded with the anger at Stephen and himself for being so furious in the first place. He got up and turned around to face the door, seemingly unable to move or control himself as he raised his arm and slammed his open palm into the door, leaving it there to feel the aftershock ripple through his body. 

His breathing growing less and less steady by the second; he'd taken out his anger in a violent way. This was not like him. Not at all. Regret overcame him and he feared his own cocktail of emotions.

What was wrong with him? 

As if it couldn't get any worse, the door burst open, slamming against the wall, almost rebounding against Stephen, who was standing on the threshold. His brows were furrowed and his nose twitched ever so slightly as he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. Will knew that he was containing himself, trying as best as he could not to start screaming. He deserved it. 

Never had Will acted to unreasonably, and never had he intended to, either. Why it aggravated him so much that Stephen just liked to have someone with him was an infuriating mystery. 

He didn't expect Stephen to understand. 

"Will, I thought you..."

Will tried to finish the sentence in his head. 

...cared about me? He did. 

...fixed the issue the other day? That's what he bloody thought as well!

...didn't mind someone else being in the dorm? Why in the world would he! 

But he did. He did mind.

Stephen didn't finish the sentence.  
"What the fuck?", is all he said, his voice dangerously low. Stephen had surpassed shouting his anger out and lashing out like Will had. Now, he was quiet and quite obviously no longer filled with temporary annoyance but true wrath. Stephen didn't deserve to be treated in such a horrendous way, and neither did whoever he chose to bring to the dorm. 

Will knew that. 

But he couldn't help it. 

He didn't reply. In a true act of cowardice, he just turned his head so he wouldn't have to look into Stephen's irreproachable, impeccable eyes. His wanton anger subsided into chagrin, and then nothing but emptiness as Stephen walked out of his room, not even bothering to close the door. Will didn't care. 

He let his back fall onto the soft fabric of the mattress, and he curled up next to it, just then realising the cave that had formed in his heart; it was as if it was only beating to spite Will in his belief that everything was failing him. 

His temper sure had. 

Will didn't recall falling asleep, or waking up, or getting up; he didn't remember turning on the kettle or eating his tasteless, bland breakfast. Guilt was still occupying his every thought, and when Stephen didn't come out of his room by 7:30, Will knew he wouldn't be able to apologise until that evening. 

Crippled he walked through his day. Lunch was just as tasteless as breakfast, as the lectures, and as his own actions. 

Finally, finally Will could go back home. He had no intentions of doing his homework that night, of finishing that group project he was supposed to turn in today. No, he was going to amend this situation, little by little. Of course he was worried that Stephen wouldn't accept an apology, but he was going to try. Seemingly the whole day he'd spent doing nothing but trying to rile himself up to forgive himself and thus make Stephen forgive him. 

Forcing it wasn't the plan, no, but Will wanted to be friends with Stephen. He liked him. Genuinely. So, even in his state of self-loathing, Will managed to keep himself together. He was an adult now, and adults fixed their mistakes. Although this mistake was- unmistakably- bigger than he'd ever want to think about, he was determined to rescue his friendship with Stephen. 

"It'll be worth it", he murmured as he entered the dorm that afternoon. Every step was hard, and he was forcing himself to face someone that he'd sincerely hurt.

"Stephen?", he asked the empty flat; in his mind his voice echoed back, mocking him for his own stupidity. He should have known. 

Walking towards Stephen's bedroom door, he found it to be open. His bed was made and his desk was, for once, tidy. All of his books and notes were gone, vanished, though of course they hadn't disappeared into thin air, they'd disappeared along with Stephen. 

On his bed was a note. Written in scraggly handwriting on a piece of paper torn from something else were only a few words, just the bare minimum to tell Will where he was. 

"Need to take a breather. Staying at a friend's for a few days. -S" 

There was no passive aggressiveness whatsoever, and it made Will feel even worse. Stephen was just genuinely disappointed and genuinely hurt. 

What a mess.


	3. Clockwork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. If you've been reading you'll know I struggle sometimes. I'm seeing a therapist soon. Thank you all for all the reads and kudos and comments xx

Stephen stayed away for five days. It was awful. However, it gave Will time to reflect by himself, without the constant distraction of unreasonable and unprovoked anger. 

On Saturday, Will called his brother, Aaron. Seeing as they hadn't talked extensively for quite a while, Aaron was fairly concerned. Usually Will would give him a ring or a few texts once a week or so, as they were both preoccupied with school and other responsibilities. That Saturday was different. Having thought about the whole situation for some time, Will felt no more enlightened than he did before, and now that Stephen was gone and he returned back to rooms of pure silence entirely devoid of laughter or jokes or even annoyed mumbling, his life felt emptier than ever before.

Aaron arrived at the flat and was greeted with an apologetic smile and a cup of mint tea; it was his favourite kind. He cocked his head sideways and followed Will into the kitchen. They sat down by the small table, and Will released his hands from his temples to take a sip of his own tea. 

"You alright?", Aaron probed carefully. 

"Well...", Will started, but failed to find the right words to say. 

"I can tell that you're not. Is this about Stephen?", his brother tried again.

Will's eyes widened slightly.

"How'd you know?"

Aaron laughed. It somehow managed to make Will feel both more and less comfortable at the same time. 

"You talk about him all the time! Plus, he's not here right now, so I'm assuming you two fell out." 

Will sighed. Alright. This was a start. With Aaron's kind patience, Will managed to explain his situation in less than half an hour. The entire time Aaron listened, nodding every now and again. Although he didn't quite expand upon the extent of his anger, especially when he punched the wall, he conveyed what was going on, and more importantly, his own confusion.

"I see", Aaron said quietly after some pondering. Will knew that his brother was aware that he wasn't discriminatory towards any group of people. Plus, he'd encountered discrimination of some kind himself, as his girlfriend was from the Middle East. Unfortunately not everyone was tolerant, so he knew what it meant to have unreasonable anger directed at oneself, and it didn't feel good. Will worried that perhaps this was why neither of them were currently speaking, that Aaron thought he had become a homophobe. 

"Alright", his brother said, nodding purposefully, "let's recap. You're angry at Stephen."

"Yes", Will admitted, still feeling a pang of guilt in his chest, his throat dry as ash.

"You don't know why-"

"Yes".

"-but it only ever happens when he's with another guy." 

"Yeah", Will confirmed, his voice trailing off as he spoke. 

For a while, they just sat there, at the small kitchen table, sipping their drinks with crinkled foreheads. Will appreciated the company. He was truly at a loss, and it felt horrid to think that Stephen would come back in a few days and he'd shown no signs of improvement, that he wasn't actually seriously bothered by Stephen being...himself. How could anyone really hate Stephen for who he was? 

He was incredibly kind. His heart and soul were too pure for such a cruel world, as Will sometimes thought when he saw the bright light of innocence in his glowing eyes, and when the sun illuminated the golden skin on his face he could see the faint freckles that littered his face every summer. Undoubtedly he possessed uncanny beauty, so his anger was near impossible. 

"It's impossible", he repeated that thought out loud, "it's impossible to think that I could be angry at a friend like that. I mean, look at him!"

Will laughed sarcastically, and his words tasted bitter and of betrayal. 

"Aaron, look at him. He's one of the best people I've ever met. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Stephen is so funny, and such a genuine, good person, and I just don't get it." 

Now Will was beginning to feel the same frustration that he had come to know and hate. 

Much to his surprise, Aaron chuckled. 

"Will", he said, still smiling slightly, "have you ever considered that this is just jealousy?"

Now that perplexed Will even more. Why on earth would he be-

"That you perhaps just like Stephen? As more than a friend?" 

Will shut his mouth and pressed his lips together, avoiding Aaron's eyes as he was sporting quite the blush. 

"I mean, just judging by how you talk about him. How long you haven't pined for anyone else. How angry you are because you're watching him be intimate with someone else. I know you're not gay, but that doesn't mean you can't be attracted to boys." 

"No", was all he could manage to say, trying to convince himself more than his brother, but slowly and very very surely, cogs were turning in his head like clockword. Things were falling into place. 

Aaron let him think. He let him think for a long time. After a while he told Will he needed to go, and Will thanked him and said goodbye, both wordlessly as he sat at the table with an empty mug. 

That night Will went to bed with more thoughts in his head than he had before his final exams, or his first kiss, or when he drove a car for the first time. He was experiencing something entirely new, and as the night took its course and faded into morning, he came to realise more and more that Aaron was right. He did really just fancy Stephen. 

It was such a simple little thing, love. 

And yet it had managed to cause such a whirlwind of emotion in his mind.

Ridiculous, he thought the next morning. Absolutely ridiculous! He was angry at himself once more, but now just for not realising. Then again, he had never doubted his heterosexuality. Never did it even cross his mind that he might like a boy some day. Sure, he'd recognised Stephen as attractive, and flirted with him, but just platonically. It was never more than that. 

Or, maybe it was.


	4. Regret.

While Stephen was gone, Will reflected upon the conversation with his brother. He thought about it more carefully and extensively than most things in life. Not that he was typically a spontaneous person, but most things in life he didn't grant too much thought. 

This was different. One would think that love is just another aspect of life, something that comes and goes, and the more Will thought about it, it was true. He knew that everyone he'd ever loved- someone that wasn't from his own family- had floated into his life and eventually floated out. Lovers were merely three-stop passengers on a train ride that lasts a lifetime. 

It was scary, in a way. Now that he was completely reconsidering his current and future love life, he began to think about love as a whole. 

 

Will wondered about a lot of things while Stephen was gone. Whenever his mind wasn't stuck in university work, he was trying to explain to himself questions he never thought he'd have, and thought about things he didn't know were important to him. 

And when it all came together, all of his little questions and wonderings and once he'd come to terms with himself not being entirely straight, he felt overwhelmed just as he felt empty. As a matter of fact, he also felt conflicted; Will had no idea how to proceed. 

He didn't know that now being aware of his attraction to Stephen would make matters better or worse. He didn't know whether Stephen would come home alone or not, and worst of all, he didn't even know if there was anything he could do. 

Will had spelled out his heterosexuality more clearly than seemingly possible, and they'd confirmed with each other that their flirtations were nothing short of innocent banter. Smiling as he remembered one of their first of such interactions, Will also realised that he meant them so much more than he ever thought. 

-

It was the beginning of spring, and the bright, colourful flowers were emerging from the still frosty grounds. Will, a tall and maybe a tad lanky, young man stepped a foot into the freshly cleaned university dorm; it smelled of citrus with chemical undertones. As he stood in the threshold with his two suitcases on either side of him, he looked around the room, not daring to set one foot farther forward than he may have been allowed. Quietly he observed the living room, which doubled up as a kitchen, a few utensils already being placed on the small kitchen table. Looking around more, he roamed his eyes over the two chairs, and the small, shabby sofa on the other side of the room. The snow-white walls were nearly bare. Only a few generic pictures were framed and hung up; Will didn't mind. It looked cosy, and the afternoon sunlight that shone through the generously large window illuminated the room in a honey colour, immediately radiating warmth and he felt welcomed. 

Just as he wondered where the utensils on the table had come from, a small figure stepped out of one of the two adjacent doors, leaving it ajar as he walked out. Will could tell by his walk that he was confident, but definitely not cocky, as his smile seemed genuine, and little creases formed on the outside of his sapphire eyes. His hair was ever so slightly dishevelled, little curls forming in his fringe, which was slightly longer than his hair at the sides. Perhaps he'd just outgrown a quiff. The colour of his hair was something that Will could not classify as ginger, for it was slightly softer, and maybe a bit lighter than that. In his emotionally and physically overwhelmed state he could only describe it as "African sunset", though later on he would consciously decide to keep that description to himself, settling for "strawberry blonde" instead. After all, he had no idea how up for jokes this man was. Said man, who was an inch or two shorter than Will himself, now walked a little closer, reaching out his small hand to shake Will's with a surprisingly firm grip. 

"Hi, I'm Stephen". 

His voice was as his walk and posture: confident, but very polite and quiet, so Will couldn't quite decipher it. 

"Will", Will introduced himself, and then emerging from the initial shyness, "what do you study?" 

"Performing arts. You're in Engineering, right?" 

"Aye, that's right."

"And you're from the North as well." 

"Did George tell you that much about me?" 

George was the mutual friend that had introduced them, or rather, made them aware that they could share a dorm. They hadn't actually known, or even spoken, to each other prior to this first interaction. Nonetheless, they seemed to get along well. Will was enjoying the conversation; Stephen was obviously witty, and made Will chuckle with his prompt answers. 

"Vocabulary, mate", Stephen explained himself, "I like your trousers." 

Will blushed, not having expected a compliment. 

"Thanks", he replied sheepishly, "they were 50% off, you know". Stephen smiled, obviously understanding the financial struggles of post-sixth form life, but also enjoying their ability to joke about it. Sometimes joking about an otherwise serious or annoying topic made things better. 

"I'd prefer it if they were 100% off", Stephen said calmly, though a blush was too creeping up on his face. 

Will laughed, and felt flattered despite the embarrassment that was flooding his whole body. Of course he didn't really realise that it would classify as a flirt, but he was having fun, so he winked, before rolling both of his suitcases into his room and making himself comfortable. 

-

Will smiled, and knew the memory wouldn't leave his head for a while, but his sunny mood was overcast with a raincloud of realisation as he clocked that just a few days later he himself had had a girl over, and then again a fortnight later, and again, and again. As said, they only broke their Friends-with-Benefits situation off after a year of university. Will couldn't remember when Stephen started doing the same, except with men, but suddenly he felt bad. What if Stephen had really meant that first flirt? And Will didn't actually ever let him know who this mysterious girl was until Stephen himself asked a few months in. 

Looking back on it, it was clear as day. Stephen's smile had fallen rapidly as Will briefly explained their situation. His eyes were a little less bright for the rest of the day, and whenever his almost-girlfriend came over, he was nowhere to be seen. Locked away in his own room, Will didn't want to know what Stephen must have been feeling at the time. If he felt for him at all, that was. Of course, he could just be overthinking the whole situation, but when he recalled their countless other flirts and stolen glances and the plethora of times where Stephen had blushed as he averted his eyes from Will's now seemed overwhelming...obvious. 

Suddenly, the flat felt lonely. 

So lonely. 

And Will fell back onto his bed, curling up to protect the carving feeling in his heart, and he missed Stephen. He missed him a lot. Even if he came back and forgave Will, there was nothing else to do. It had been two years since they first met; there was no way in hell Stephen had been holding on for that long. Besides, it would completely contradict the point of him bringing over other people so often. 

No, Will had well and truly fucked it. 

"Fantastic", he mumbled to himself. However was this situation going to improve? 

The best outcome that he saw for them was a return to a platonic friendship, and that was only if Stephen ever forgave him for his unreasonable anger and emotional outrages. 

He felt horrible. 

But all he could do was wait for Stephen to come back home to him. 

So Will waited.


	5. Reunification.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you want the story to end here or not! I'd want to add a smut chapter or so, but if youse think that it'd ruin the story please tell me! It'd be very much appreciated.

Stephen came back on a Thursday. By Monday, Will had grown perpetually sad, and not even his hardest classes could quite distract him. By Tuesday, Will ate lunch alone, and by Wednesday not at all. Thursday he debated staying at home, but ridiculed himself for letting something that was his own fault manipulate him so much. So he went to his classes with a fraction of newfound energy, though he never did manage to shake Stephen's impending return off of his mind. 

And he did return. It was around 4pm when Will came back to their dorm, not even thinking of bothering to check Stephen's room. At this point, he doubted he would come back for anything but to pick up his things. Much to his surprise, as he tried to unlock the door, he found it unlocked. Trying not to let hope completely overtake him, he opened the door as carefully as possible, and there he was. Stephen, his fringe just as messy on the first day they met, stood in the threshold of his own door, his confidence seemingly faltering as he struggled to maintain eye contact with Will's wide-blown eyes. 

Even the sunlight was as generous as on the first day they laid eyes on each other, the room's warmth so close to identical as that day, though so much had changed, and Will feared moving closer to Stephen; he felt like a carnivore-gone-awry closing in on its vulnerably innocent prey. And he was done with hurting Stephen. He didn't want to anymore. Not that he ever did in the first place, but he wouldn't ever let himself risk something as brilliant as their friendship again. 

Will didn't even say Stephen's name; as soon as the other took a step towards him, Will sprinted forwards and engulfed the minuscule figure in his arms. Fearing that he wouldn't be able to breathe anymore, Will loosened his grip a bit, an instead gingerly placed one of his hands on the back of Stephen's head, while the other rested on his back, stroking up and down subconsciously. He could feel the other's heartbeat pounding against his chest. 

"I'm so sorry", Will whispered, "I'm so sorry". He said it over and over again, maybe more to himself than to Stephen; nonetheless, a few boiling tears rolled down his face and into Stephen's hair, for which he also apologised. Stephen's hair smelled foreign, and although he liked the hint of cinnamon, it was a foreign scent and only further reminded Will of how far he drove him away. 

He took a step back, quickly wiping his face with the sleeve of his back hoodie. Stephen still hadn't spoken a word.

Will stood there, overwhelmed, trying not to lose his stance under his shaking knees, or lose his mind under his racing thoughts. But now he couldn't back down. He couldn't just pretend like everything was fine, like nothing had ever happened, because they were grown-ups now. And adulthood comes with responsibility. Will already immediately felt thirty years older as he thought about it, but now was the only time he could ever stitch the wounds that he'd so heartlessly carved into both of them. 

"We need to talk", Will croaked, his throat almost not letting him say the words that pained both of them so much.

Why couldn't it just be alright?

Why couldn't he just have kept his stupid fucking feelings to himself? 

Stephen nodded wordlessly. There was nothing to say for him. Although he'd taken so much shit from Will, this was his time to listen once again. The difference? Will was going to be honest. 

He'd been contemplating for days, and maybe the space that Stephen gave him was exactly what pushed him over the edge, truly making him realise his loneliness and longing for contact. Not just any contact, though, no. He was in love with Stephen. And he was about to say it. 

They walked over to the small sofa; the size of it forced them to sit closely; Will angled one leg so he could sit facing Stephen, who mirrored him. They both sat, Will resting his head in his palm, which in turn was propped up on the back of the sofa. 

Nervously he looked down onto his free hand, which was fiddling with the fabric of his trousers. 

"Stephen", he started carefully, "I think I'm in love with you". 

His mind went haywire; he really just said that out loud. Thankfully, Stephen didn't seem too repulsed and sat calmly in his spot, his head leaned sideways just a little bit in a confused manner. 

"I, uh", Will murmured, clearing his throat. Stephen laughed softly. It gave the brunet confidence, so he continued, "I think that I've been so angry at you because I just may be jealous of...whoever you bring home. And I know I said I'm straight, and I've thought about it a canny lot and trust me, I understand it as much as you do." 

Finally Stephen spoke, and Will was revered by his voice, the pitch, the tone, the way that Stephen could express himself with language was music to Will's ears. 

"When we first met", he inquired quietly, "did you feel this way?" 

"No!", Will blurted, but closed his mouth when he reconsidered. 

"I mean, I don't think so", he corrected himself, "and all those times I flirted with you, I..."

"Thought it was just a joke. That it meant absolutely nothing", Stephen filled in the rest of the sentence. There was definitely an edge to his voice, and it was sharp enough to cause a stabbing pain in Will's chest. 

"I'm sorry", Will whispered again, "I'm sorry because I've also finally clocked that you...you know."

"That I liked you", Stephen stated the obvious. He knew that Will knew, but he said it anyway.

"And that I missed that was really fucking thick of me, and I'm sorry", Will finished his sentence. By the end the words were falling out of his mouth uncontrollably, and he was on the verge of tears. Again. 

Guilt is so painful. 

Much to Will's surprise, Stephen stayed with him. They sat there for what must have been a few minutes, but felt like hours, days, years, before Stephen finally filled the silence with his side of the story. 

"Will Lenney, I've been in love with you since I first got to know you. And just when I thought I may have a chance with you, she came over. And I found out she was your...whatever you were at the time. So I numbed my own pain by mimicking you. And I never got into a relationship because I couldn't, because I was in love with you. But I could close my eyes and pretend it was you when I kissed someone else, and I could sleep at night knowing that I'd never have to confess this to you because you had a thing going and I had a thing going."

Will nodded. He just nodded. There was nothing he could do but listen. 

"But when you started getting angry, Will, I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear to sense such hatred whenever I'm with you. If my partners thought you were rude, honestly I didn't give a fuck. But I did care about what you thought of me. So I had to leave."

Will closed his eyes, trying not to hear what he was hearing because it was awful to hear what he'd done. 

Stephen paused, and for a brief moment Will thought that he was going to leave. He'd said what there was to say, and it was obvious that we was angry too.

As if he'd read his mind, the ginger continued, "and I came back with the intention of leaving. I thought I wouldn't be able to bear it anymore. But you surprised me, Will. And I-"

His confidence faltered. Will could pin the exact moment where Stephen's words failed him, where his mind too was overbearing. 

As silent as the lonely night, Stephen climbed over the sofa, and as Will instinctively lowered his legs to lay flat across the sofa as Stephen sat down on his lower thighs.

Their faces were unbearably close, and Will couldn't decide between laying his eyes onto Stephen's golden freckles or his soft, fine hair, or to look directly into his ocean eyes. 

"I'm going to kiss you now", Stephen susurrated softly, quietly, and maybe even shyly, giving Will more than enough time to back out. He didn't. 

Before he knew it, Will felt a soft pair of lips pressed against his own. The feeling was familiar, but at the same time so different. It was a short, hesitant kiss. There was so much in it to process, that all the taller man could do was place a hand to cup Stephen's cheek, running his thumb across his fine cheekbone. Stephen leaned into his touch. 

"I thought", Will murmured, "I thought you wanted to leave. I thought you didn't like me anymore."

"I never stopped liking you", Stephen whispered, a blush creeping up on his face.

"Can I kiss you again?", Stephen asked, his voice still barely audible. 

Will smiled lazily as he pressed his lips onto Stephen's again, truly relishing the feeling. It was incredible. And he never wanted to let go. 

Together they fell back onto the sofa, and Stephen nuzzled his head into Will's firm chest as he felt it rise and fall in rhythm with his steady breathing. Absentmindedly Will ran his hands through Stephen's hair as he stroked his back, still processing what had just happened. 

They stayed there for a long time, barely moving, just enjoying each other's company. 

Of course there was so much that Will wanted to do; he wanted to take Stephen out on a proper date, he wanted to keep him on the brink of an orgasm, he wanted to explore flower-filled summer fields and laugh in the rain, but for now, this was everything he could ever ask for.

It was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to tell me if it should end here or not xx


End file.
